Friday, May 22, 2015

Will I ever stop missing him?

I came home tonight for the first time, completely alone. Not even my dog Little-Bit, was home. I kept busy doing some little things around the house and decided to go through a basket filled with cards, that I found openly hidden on a counter... I didn't really pay attention to what was in the basket. I sat down and began to go through them. As I looked at the cards,  I  realized this was "the" basket of condolence cards, from my husband's memorial. I have not been able to look at them, nor have I been able to make myself look at them, since Rob's memorial. Hmm, over three years...

At first I went through the basket, with a bit of curiosity. I could feel the deep sympathy that people attempted to share; in my husband's suicidal death. As I looked from card to card, I came across a sign-in list of those that came to my husband's memorial. As my eyes read names, grazing from page to page, to page to page, the tears started to flow. Wow! I certainly didn't expect this. How does this happen?! By now, I should be over this... Right??!

These past few months, I began to feel like I was coming out from underneath the fog of grief and mourning.  Yet tonight, such a simple act and  BAM! Sideswiped! Tears, soft, gentle, sobbing, Tears of love, missing Rob. I know I will never stop loving him. I wonder though, if I will ever stop missing him?