It was the end of a very long, amazing, wonderful day... A very very dear dear friend, actually one of my closest friends, gave me a prophetic word tonight about my trip to Africa. She said that I would come back from this mission trip with a greater sense of security than I ever had before Rob killed himself.

As she spoke,  this deep guttural wail came out of me, I couldn't stop...  The  wail  was so deep that it hurt the top of my head as I cried. I have not wailed like that since I found my husband hanging from his neck, on the side of our house, or since his memorial.

There are some of you  that don't know this; since my husband's suicidal death, I have become insecure. As a matter fact, I have never felt this level of insecurity in my entire life!  Before I came to the Lord, I was confident in my competency.  When I became born again, I was confident because of my confidence in Christ Jesus.

When it comes to surviving the suicidal death of a spouse, there's this sense of incompetency on some level, because of the great depth of rejection, that comes through suicide. In my logical, clinical mind  and in my spirit, I know that it's not true that I could have prevented his suicide.  However, the emotional part of me doesn't always get that.

I have said this so many times before, that grief and mourning are nonlinear! Just because you do A, B, C and D the next step is not necessarily E & F.

A well-meaning sensitive woman of God, in her merciful heart, was trying to take me through some very basic inner healing steps in the midst of my wailing grief. I stopped her and explained that grief and mourning are very different than any other aspect of inner healing. Grief is so nonlinear you cannot pack it up and put it into a nice neat box. I asked her to allow me to acknowledge the pain and walk through this process.

Thank you Lord in your Infinite Wisdom, you allowed my grief and mourning to stir up, so that I could release the pain and come into a greater Saving Grace knowledge of Hope for healing this indescribable, inconceivable, unfathomable journey of redefinition...

Preparation for another "First" (International Missions Trip)

I appreciate your taking the time to read my update for my missions trip. This time has been difficult to prepare for as I move forward in the Father’s will to share a Kingdom mindset with Leaders from around the world both young and old, future and existing…

This certainly has been an interesting roller coaster ride in this season of new “firsts” as I prepare for my “first” international missions trip since Rob’s suicide. I have felt the covering shift and change since Rob’s death and know the importance of prayer covering. I covet your prayers more than anything.

I am excited that the Nepal portion of my trip is getting ready to leave in two weeks and wanted to share an update! I am still needing to raise an additional $4,000.00 for my East Africa portion of my missions trip. I will be meeting Todd and Ruth Cataldo of New Nation Church International (NNCI), in the UK and flying on to Entebbe Uganda. We will then be ministering in Uganda, South Sudan and Zambia together.

We’ll be specifically ministering at New Nation Church International, Kampala and NNCI’s developing congregation in Masindi, in Uganda. In South Sudan, we will minister at New Nation congregations in Wudu, Mondikolok and Juba as well as at NNCI’s Nursery and Primary Schools. Additionally, our team will travel to Zambia where we will examine a local house church that has asked to join NNCI’s growing family of churches. Exousia Ministries International has had the blessing to help oversee the growth of these congregations since 2009 personally in South Sudan, Tanzania and in Uganda.

My schedule from December 22nd is still being worked on and will utterly depend on donations as to how long I can stay! I plan on ministry with Heart for Children (Kimblio School and orphanage at Osia with Cor and Grace Koelewijn), and medical/ministry work in a children’s prison – in Kampiringisa where there are over 400 children and many are under the age of 8- with Food Step (Werner and Nathalie Stauerbauten). Can you imagine a land where children get put into prison under the age of 8 – where parents often don’t look for their missing children because they assume their child has been taken for blood sacrifice? This is not a myth, this is real! One dollar buys so much in local food in Uganda! Twenty five dollars is a whole week’s salary in the villages. Thirty five dollars pays for a month’s school fees.

If you would like to be part of this mission through your financial support, mail a check to: EMI 7405 Greenback Ln., Suite 141, Citrus Heights, CA 95610 ( Please write “East Africa” in the memo line). No donation is too smal!.I need to receive any final snail mail checks by November 12th) Alternately I can continue receiving any funds through November 26th through PayPal: click on or go to this link: PayPal Please make your tax deductible check payable to EMI (Exousia Ministries Inc.)

While money is important, it comes in a distant second to my need for prayer support – which is so important to the success of this mission! Pray for the people I’ll encounter, that my desires are His desires, and that His will be done. As much as God loves mission trips, the enemy doesn’t. There will be a host of obstacles that will attempt to discourage as I travel. Knowing that you are committed to pray, gives me greater peace. Everything else will fall into place!

Funds collected are for travel, food, housing and visa costs; any funds collected surpassing my budget will be given as donations to Heart for Children and to Food Step for ministry work.

Blessings in His Faithful grip,

Kimberly